Welcome Back Me!

I feel a little bit like that guy that said he was totally gonna call you but never did. Except I'm calling you right now with a whole bunch of excuses!

Well first of all December is my absolute worst month at work. It is crazy busy. Every year my organization builds the Donate Life Rose Parade Float. Lucky me is the one who takes all the pictures and video and posts them on the web real time. It's a handful to say the least.

So with all the work happenings and not sleeping very much blogging and wedding stuff fell way to the bottom of my priorities.

Also my attitude about this whole wedding has shifted. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very excited to be getting married, but the passing of Prop 8 affected me in a deep way.

To borrow an idea Peonies and Polaroids borrowed from A Practical Wedding who borrowed it from East Side Bride: Glitter.

To be more precise the knocking-off of glitter, figuratively. A bit of glitter got knocked off our wedding with the passage of prop 8, people voting to deny you the right to get married and people suing to dissolve your marriage will kind of do that.

Not that it's an entirely bad thing. It knocked me down off my cloud and made me stop caring about all the details that won't be so important and made me appreciate what a great day it's going to be.

I'm going to be there. My man's going to be there. My family is going to be there. My friends will be there. We're going to have a good day.

And not to worry, I'm gonna throw some paint on it and toss some glitter on it, some of it is bound to stick, right?

If We Behave, They'll Give us our Rights

I was reading through the comments section at the LA Times regarding that Prop 8 musical, and I read a sentiment I seem to be hearing a lot lately. (By the way I avoid comments sections like the plague, they are just filled with venom so much of the time.)

There seems to be a faction of people saying we need to treat this as a PR campaign, and we need to not mock the religiously conservative voters that helped to pass this amendment. Instead we should be clamoring for their acceptance, and showing them that we are just normal folk. That way we can pass an amendment of our own in two or four years.

Bullshit.

The idea that I should have to beg the permission of these people to be married is ridiculous. Lets think of other places where we can apply this logic:

* If slaves work a little bit harder, then maybe their masters will take pity and pride in them and set them free.

* If a woman is in an abusive relationship, then maybe she just needs to be a little more patient, a little more loving, and just try to be a better wife. Then her husband wouldn't have a reason to hit her.

* If you had been a better son or daughter, your parents would not have gotten divorced.

We should not have to beg for our rights, and our best bet to receive our rights is to take it to the courts. Public opinion is not on our side, and it will not be on our side until people are forced to accept us and see us in a new light, and that won't happen until they see the results of our marriages years from now.

A Little Levity Before The Holiday

I took this from Dingmoonment as I love to know details about people who I don't personally know. What can I say, I'm a voyeur. And now exhibitionist.

Marital Status?
Legally married, but getting weddinged.

How long have you been toget​her?
4.5 Years

How long did you know each other​ befor​e you start​ed datin​g?
Not at all

Who asked​ who out?
Mike

How old are each of you?
41 and 29

What are your astro​logic​al signs​?
Aries, Sagitarius

​How tall are each of you?
5'9.75'', 6'3''

Whose mothe​r do you see the most?
Luis'

Whose sibli​ngs do/​did you see the most?​
Luis'

Do you have any child​ren toget​her?
No

​​Do you have any pets?
Yes

What’​s the harde​st on you as a coupl​e?
Sticking a homebody and a restless soul together.

What do you both do for a livin​g?​
Graphic Design, Real Estate

Is that what you went to schoo​l for?
No

​Did you both go to the same schoo​l?​
No

Are you from the same homet​own?
No

Do you live in the same town now?
No

Who is the smart​est?​
Michael

Who is the most sensi​tive?​
Luis

Where​ do you eat out most as a coupl​e?​
Super Mex

Where​ do you shop the most as a coupl​e?
Costco

​Where​ is the furth​est you two have trave​led toget​her as a coupl​e?​
Nashville

Who has the best group​ of frien​ds?
Luis

Who has the crazi​est exes?
Michael

Who has the worst​ tempe​r?​
Luis

Who does the cooki​ng?​
Michael

Who is more socia​l?
Luis

Who is the neat-​freak​?​
Michael

Who is the most stubb​orn?​
Luis

Who hogs the bed?
Luis

Who wakes​ up earli​er?
Michael

Where​ was your first​ date?​
The Equator coffee house in Pasadena

Who said I Love You first​?​
Michael?

Who has the bigge​r famil​y?
Michael

Who gives flowe​rs the most often​?
Michael

How do you spend​ Thanksgiving?
Usually going between two places, this year bringing it all together. Wish us luck

Who is more jealo​us?
Luis

Do you have littl​e pet names​ for each other​?​
Yes

How long did it take to get serio​us?​
From the start

Who eats more?
Luis

Who sings​ bette​r?​
Michael

Who’s​ older​?​
Michael

Who does the laund​ry?​
Michael

Who does the dishe​s?​
Michael

Who’s​ bette​r with the compu​ter?
Luis

Who drive​s?​ ​
Tie

Who picks​ where​ you go to dinne​r?​
Tie

Who is the first​ one to admit​ when they’​re wrong​?​
Michael

Who named​ your pet?
Michael

Who kisse​d who first​?​
Michael asked if he could

Who has more tatto​os?​
Michael

Who eats more sweet​s?​
Tie

Who cries​ more?​
Luis

Who's the traditionalist?
Michael

Who's the most sentimental?
Luis

May you all have a great Thanksgiving! Even as second-class citizens, we have much to be grateful for.

Should I Be Having Some Sort of Freakout?

When we first got engaged I was obsessed with that little ticker image above. I was counting down every single day, and obsessing over the wedding in general at every possible moment.

Imagine my surprise when I look at the little ticker today of all days and realize I am exactly six months away from the wedding.

I'm feeling pretty good about where things are at. We still have a lot of things to do, but I figured we would start dealing with all those things in January.

Now I could freak out and make a list of those things and overthink every one of those details, but I am taking a much more relaxed approach to this weeding than I originally intended to. I have come to the conclusion that not every last detail of this wedding has to be a manifestation of our love and symbol of some greater thing. Some things are just things.

Case in point: I remember a conversation I had with a friend shortly after we got engaged. We were talking about centerpieces, and the fact that we were considering incorporating Disney snowglobes and using less floral, and he went into this tirade about how "we should design centerpieces that reflect our unique personalities and each one should have a theme representing a different time in our relationship so that our wedding would be truly unique." Seriously? That's a lot of pressure to put on a bunch of flowers.

That's a lot of pressure I don't need and don't want right now. Work life is about to kick into crazy mode for the month of December, so maybe I will make some time to freak out in the middle of January.

Off Being Civically Responsible

The long arm of jury duty caught up with me this week, sorry for the lack of posts! But to tide you over, I will give you these pictures from this past Saturday's protest at Los Angeles City Hall. They are not very good, and they don't give a sense of how big the crowd was, but I was afraid to try and make my way out into the middle of the crowd! (I get a little claustrophobic in seas of people)

A big thanks to my sis for coming out to protest with me, and also for taking most of the pics!

Back with a vengeance after lady justice is satisfied.

National Day of Protest November 15th

There's a link on the upper tight hand corner of my blog or click here.

The Aftermath of Prop 8

This is a post that needed to be written, but I wasn't ready to write the days after prop 8 passed. I spent those first few days crying at random intervals, and I wasn't ready to say thank you to all the people who are out there supporting our cause. Brides like Meg and Carly who are out there taking a stand for what is right.

A little more obvious, but still definitely worth mentioning are the efforts of the lgbt bloggers on my blogroll. Especially supportive have been Christina and N. I feel like we've all really leaned on each other through this really tough time.

So, what next?

I don't know. I never thought I would say this, but there have been some very good things that have come from this proposition passing. People are mad, really mad, and we demand action and satisfaction. I mean right out of the 60's, outrage against the establishment, I don't care if you turn the hoses on me, by any means necessary mad. I feel like we are watching history being made.

I went to a big protest in West Hollywood on Wednesday. I went to a big protest in Long Beach on Friday. I went to a huge protest in Los Angeles and Hollywood on Saturday. Today I will go to what promises to be a big protest at the cathedral in Downtown Los Angeles.

There was a time in my life when I was much more political, but I burned out on politics. I was always trying to join a protest or a school walkout, but I burned out on them. This is different.

I don't think I've ever seen this many people at so many protests in such a short span of time. This is not going to fizzle out. We are not going to stay at home and cry anymore. We are going to take back what we had, even if we only had it for a short time.

That is the big difference between California and all the other states where constitutional amendments have been passed. Those other amendments were just hurtful. They said to people "you don't have the right to get married, but just in case you get any crazy ideas." People were disappointed, but they had not lost anything, it was just reiterated to them they are second-class citizens.

Here in California, we had the right to get married, and we should have fought harder to keep it. We got too complacent. We underestimated the lengths and lies the Mormon church and so many other conservatives would go to to take this away from us, and they succeeded. They used fear as their tool, and we were too slow to counter with reason.

But they have made us mad. And we have taken to the street. And we will have our rights.

It Didn't Change Anything

But it made me feel better to be sad and angry with lots of other sad and angry people.

I was hoping for a riot, but my friend said the best we could hope for was an impromptu fashion show.

Congratulations to Everyone Who Got Hope in Yesterday's Election

Gays and lesbians in Florida, Arizona, and probably California have considerably less to be grateful for.

We will continue with our regularly scheduled blog after a short break.

You Must Vote

You should vote for marriage equality.
You should vote against religious control in a civic institution.
You should vote against Prop 8 in California.
You should vote for marriage equality wherever you live.
You must vote.

More Lies from Yes on 8

The Yes on 8 campaign sent out a blatant lie of a flier, the Saturday before the election, telling voters Barack Obabama and Joe Biden supported banning gay marriage in California.

I am not an Obama cheerleader. In fact I am downright pissed at the Democratic party for feeding the country the standard I believe marriage is between a man and a woman line, but to fake endorsements is low. To fake them four days before an election with so little time to counter-act the lies is even lower.

We received one of the fliers in the mail yesterday, and I was furious. Have no doubt in your mind. This proposition is not about protecting children or protecting marriage, it's about homophobia and discriminating against me, my husband, gays, lesbians, and anybody who is different.

Another Reason Only Marriage Will Do

Christina over at Steady Happy posted this and I am borrowing a piece of it because I think it clearly illustrates a large reason marriage is so important to us.

the last time i got the welcome packet, patty & i were merely domestic partners. i tried to add her to my health care benefits. here's what we had to provide:

- our certificate of domestic partnership

- proof that we have a shared bank account for at least one year

- proof that we share some sort of living arrangement (a lease or mortgage that is signed by BOTH of us)

- an affidavit that all the above is true that has been notarized

when i tried to add her, we didn't have the joint lease (patty was on it but i wasn't) so i couldn't add her to my health care. this time, now that we are MARRIED, here's what i had to provide:

- a marriage license

that's it. nothing else. just one copy. we didn't have to prove anything. so i made the copy & sent it off in the mail. done.

please don't tell me that domestic partners and marriage are the same.

People have had to try and argue with ambulance drivers over what a domestic partner is because they wouldn't let them get into the ambulance with their spouse. No one has to explain what the term husband or wife means.

Why Won't Anyone Say Gay

I am noticing a disturbing trend in all of these ads. Here Diane Feinstein is talking about discrimination and how prop 8 is discriminating. Against whom? Gays and lesbians. Not once does she say the "G" word.

In fact gay people are nowhere to be found on these ads. Why? Because we would lose the election?

I am tired.

I am tired of lots of things. I'm tired that this is an issue. I am tired that we will not call a spade a spade. I am gay. Barack Obama is black. Yet no one seems to mention these things.

Lets call it what it really is. This is discriminating against me. It's taken a long time to come to the conclusion that it is ok to be gay, and I still don't feel that way a lot of time when I am out in the world. I don't need this campaign to bring that shame back.

Lets put a face on the issue. Look me in the eye when you discriminate against me.

I promise that after the election I will stop being all political. How soon after the election depends on how things go on Tuesday.

Apple Says No on 8

I was so happy to read this on the Apple website today:

Apple is publicly opposing Proposition 8 and making a donation of $100,000 to the No on 8 campaign. Apple was among the first California companies to offer equal rights and benefits to our employees’ same-sex partners, and we strongly believe that a person’s fundamental rights — including the right to marry — should not be affected by their sexual orientation. Apple views this as a civil rights issue, rather than just a political issue, and is therefore speaking out publicly against Proposition 8.

I know it's a few days old, but it's news to me.

Mr. Jobs, I have already bought an imac, two ipods, an ipod shuffle, and an iphone from you, so I don't know how much more I can do for you now, but thank you for doing the right thing.

Ok everyone, do what Steve Jobs did and donate to no on 8 today.

Ok, lets see where the teams stand. On my side: Steve Jobs, Brad Pitt, Mr. Spielberg, Google, California Teachers Union, and every major newspaper in California.

On Their side: Mormons, Southern Baptists, Catholics. And they say this isn't about religion? Right.

Stay out of my life churches. You've done enough damage to my psyche. There is nothing wrong with me. You don't know how to separate the sinner from the sin, you can't separate me from what you consider sin because it is a part of me.

This Is How I Feel

Article about how the Prop 8 campaign is heating up from the San Jose Mercury News. This paragraph really captured how I feel right now.

For many gay and lesbian people, the rhetoric of television ads and even the everyday things people say during a political campaign like Proposition 8 can carry a heavy emotional toll as normally buried feelings of prejudice are revealed, a group of researchers in San Francisco said Tuesday while releasing the results of two national surveys. Many gay and lesbian people are feeling stress, depression and alienation as the campaign intensifies.

I see the Yes on 8 signs about and even though it's not in my usual nature I want to rip them out of the ground and tear them up. I feel like every single one is a personal attack, though the rational part of me knows not all of them are.

Tell Your Girlfriend You Want a Domestic Partnership?

Loved this from Father Geoff Farrow's blog and had to repost it. If you are not reading his blog, you must! Go now, I'll hold your corndog.

Someone recently asked me: "Domestic partnerships are almost the same as marriage, why the need for marriage?"

Under California State law, a heterosexual couple may also enter into a Domestic Partnership. So, try this: Inform your girlfriend that you've decided you'd like to enter into a Domestic Partnership with her, instead of marriage. I am certain that she will be able to explain the HUGE difference between the two realities in a far more forceful and colorful way than, I would ever be able to accomplish.

Just one friendly word of advice from someone who used to play hockey in High School, you should put on an athletic supporter with a protective cup before having the aforementioned conversation with your girlfriend.

I Did Not Choose to be Gay

There seems to be a lot of discussion regarding this point, in fact lately there seems to be a lot of discussion about a lot of topics that affect me directly.

Do not confuse this statement with, “I am not happy being gay,” or, “I wish I was not gay.” All it means is I did not choose to be gay.

A lot of the arguments I have heard about why I should not have the right to marry the man I love are based on the premise that my homosexuality is a choice, and therefore it doesn’t matter who I love because I did not choose to love a woman.

The fact is that even if were shown tomorrow that my sexuality was not a choice but an outcome based solely on biological influences those people fighting so hard to keep me from getting married would not admit their mistake. They would not apologize and offer me well wishes for a long and happy marriage. They would not give me a set of towels off of my wedding registry.

Black people did not choose to be born black. That did not stop people from treating them like second class human beings for so many years of this country’s history.

It does not matter whether I chose to be gay or not. If you think it’s wrong to be gay, you will make it known, and you will make my life difficult, and you’ll do most of it in the name of God.

It is so disheartening that my marriage is going out for a popular vote. It is depressing that so many people who don’t live in California are contributing so much money in the name of God to take that right away from us. A right that was long fought for and only so recently gained.

To all the straight married people out there, be thankful that your marriage will never be put up for a vote.

Father Geoff Farrow

Sometimes I feel like blogging is just pointing out things that everyone else is pointing out, but sometimes it's worth it to direct people to a certain place.

I encourage all of you to read the blog of Father Geoff Farrow, who has been placed on suspension from the Catholic church after refusing to endorse Prop 8 which would ban same sex marriage in California. Check out his blog, he's a little long winded (like most priests aren't?) but definitely worth reading.

I Am Ever So Pissed

While checking up on the blog this afternoon I was really upset to see that the Yes on 8 people had set up residence in the adspace on my blog! I was so upset that I immediately got rid of all the google adsense ads and buzzlogic as well.

I am so mad that these people would post their ads here. Especially since the buzzwords I chose were gay weddings and gay wedding planning, so they knew exactly where their ads would end up. The only reason I had installed the adsense ads was because I have a sneaking suspicion that they help with coming up higher in Google searches, there is no way I was going to get rich off of adsense.

I was so upset I wanted to contact Google and let them know what was going on, but they make that surprisingly difficult.

So consider this an ad free zone! (unless I at some point decide to give up space to sponsors chosen by yours truly personally)

Fighting Back Against the Lies

It has been so thoroughly depressing watching the ads being put out there by the yes on 8 people. I'm glad to see we are fighting back!

It really makes me angry how much money the Mormon church is throwing against us.

Momons, seriously?

Didn't you guys used to have a lot of wives? Weren't you once cruelly persecuted? This is the best use you can find for that money?

So now I have to spend money to fight this proposition. These ads aren't cheap to run people! Make a contribution at No on Prop 8.